May 2012 Issue

Manny BOXiao

Just for Laughs April 2012

Horseback Riding

Tomas: Sobrang tabatsoy ang Misis ko kaya gusto niyang magbawas ng timbang.  ‘Yun nag-horseback riding siya.

Jorge: Anong nangyari?

Tomas: Nabawasan ng sampung kilo ‘yung kabayo!

 

Kasya

May 3 tanga na nagsisiksikan sa maliit na kama.

Tanga 1 – Pare, di tayo kasya.  Magbawas tayo.  Yung isa sa lapag na lang matulog.

(Bumaba si Tanga 2)

Tanga 3 – Ayan, Pare, maluwag na, akyat ka na dito!

 

Test

Ama: Kumusta ang pag-aaral mo?

Anak: Nag-lesson at test po kami tungkol sa mga manok.

Ama: Ano, madali ba?

Anak: chicken na chicken!

Ama: Anong grade mo?

Anak: Itlog po.

 

Holdaper

Dalawang holdaper sa bangko:

Holdaper #1: Yehey! Mayaman na Tayo!

Holdaper #2: Bilangin mo na!

Holdaper #1: Alam mo namang mahina ako sa Math.  Abangan na lang natin sa balita kung magkano!

 

Odd Job Applications and Successors

Words By: John Lomtong

Whatever the season is, rain or shine, day and night, these folks work with a smile on their faces and full of determination within their hearts thinking that somehow, someday they will live a good life. They are movers in their own struggles brought about by the insufficient opportunities to find that dream of living a good life.

Please welcome the people whose jobs are not in the collar classification but definitely provide a mouthful of blessings in their humble existence.

The Manong King of Balls

Staple servicer for a favorite street delicacy, they offer fish balls, squid balls, chicken balls, ‘tokneneng’ or quail eggs, tofu chops, hotdog slices, kikiams or siomai and other fried dumplings. Bored of those restaurant trips? You can always catch newly found Pinoy chums at a street nearby.

The Nasty Stunt Producer

This individual’s task is to research on how to challenge all phobias for reality TV shows and contests, yet to also make sure that the stunts are safe and appropriate for the challenges.

Jumping backwards on top of the bridge. Stepping on charcoals. Huge snakes and wild haired rats. It’s survival and enjoyment.

The Dog Food Tester

Just like any other meal, dog food needs to be inspected too. And of course, they can’t use dogs to test the food. So this profession requires an individual who will taste the food, just like what they do for those delicious recipes.

Watch out guys, this worker gives new meaning to the term “dog breath.”

The Cartoon Mascots

Remember when you went to parties and anime comicons and get to meet your favorite characters with their supermoves and antics?

We all now know that those are real people in there, but let’s understand their love of expression and of course, commitment to the task at hand. It’s not exactly easy being stuck inside a warm and bulky suit for hours. In fact, some mascots are even required to have built-in fans inside their costumes or suits so as not to get suffocated.

The Furniture Tester

A really lucky human being tests out furniture for companies, to check that it passes the standards of comfort, relaxation and a bummer or a couch potato.

Ever been sitting in a favorite chair or sofa saying that you could do this for a living? Well, this guy is lucky enough to do just that.

The Cheese or Butter Sprayer

This person doesn’t spray chemicals on your cheese. Actually, he’s in charge of flavoring or adding either cheese or butter on a popcorn. You might be thinking of another job that can be done by a machine, but how else would you achieve that perfect, hand crafted cheese coating on every kernel?

Let’s enjoy every flavor of this mouth-watering labor of love.

The Takataks

Cigarette vendors. Young and active boys or girls that roam the thoroughfares and busy streets. “Takatak” is a coined term derived from the sound that the cigarette box’s lid makes when it slides up and down in rapid succession. Usually they do the “takatak” to call customers’ attention.

If you’re stuck on traffic and you want to smoke, they’re just a honk away.

The Gum Buster

Have you ever sat in a park bench and had the misfortune of placing your hand on an old, sticky piece of gum? Well that’s where these guys come in, removing all those stuck gum residues that sprout up all over the place.

The next time you would want to dispose of your chewables, think of these patient folks that care to prevent our sticky mishaps.

The Cow Hoof Trimmer

Just like horseshoes, cows need some hoof maintenance too. These fine animals could suffer from poor milk production, lameness, and decreased fertility if not properly groomed.

These trimmers pamper that milky machine with a nice manicure, pedicure, hair cut, body massage and stress relieving milk bath.

The IMAX Screen Cleaner

Have you ever seen an IMAX screen? It’s a huge panel of displays that needs a large amount of time to clean and huge endurance to stay put for the work.

Yes, someone has to make sure that big thing is crystal clear so we can travel through the vast mountains or explore the human body via a gigantic screen. Would you like to apply?

The Hair Boiler

These lucky folks get to boil various kinds of animal hair until it curls for later use. They don’t worry about irritations and allergies. They all just focus on the curlies.
Imagine the smell of burning hair. Think next of the aroma of Boiled Hair Soup, all day. Lucky guy, huh?

The Barker

Indefatigable vocal attractions. They are responsible for ‘calling out’ bus, jeepney and taxi or FX passengers. They’re not necessarily counted as the driver’s official sidekick but they surely help them out by luring commuters to hit a ride.

If you’re looking for directions, these barkers will help you find the right ride for you by announcing destinations.

The Golf Ball Diver

It is an average for golfers hitting the course that about two to three balls head into the water, especially for complex obstacles, which are commonplace in current golf courses. Where do all these balls go? Do they get forgotten underneath the water? The answer, naturally, is No. These golf courses have quasi-scubas to get in there and find all those balls and probably clean them up for resale.

If you want to scuba dive in the Mediterranean for a living, this might be as close as you can get.

The Odor Tester

This one is pretty odd, but some chemist has to make sure that all of those deodorants and anti-perspirants are effective in keeping their users free of funk.

Breath in, breath out. What happens if they can’t smell today for work?

The “Shoeshines” and “Sapatero”

Quality help on the go. These are mostly men and boys, waiting for somebody who’s wearing a dusty shoe and wants a few minutes of polishing expertise or shoe repair for affordable bucks.

You’ll never know when those stitches or soles of shoes will break apart, so make sure you know where to find these Sapateros.

The Liquor Spirit Ambassador

Let’s face it, this is every over 21 year old’s dream job. You would be responsible for choosing only the finest wines and alcohols while teaching your clients the proper way to taste and admire the different attributes which these delicious drinks can possess.

That drinking job, just like the food taster, is a winning job, but you’ll just have to watch intake.

The Ostrich Babysitter

This task allows an individual to sit in a field full of ostrich and make sure that they don’t peck each other to death.

What a lucky life if you can get a job where you can sit down, read a book and do absolutely no work. That is always a plus, but beware, these birds’ behavior can get a little aggressive.

The Professional Whistler

This job is living proof of the human race’s innate love and longing for sound and music. The task? Whistle tunes and melodies for a living.

The job holder must be well versed in different genres of music and should master the jaw and tongue stress relievers.

The Citrus Fruit Dyer

Notice the lemons at the supermarket and thought of them as some good looking citrus fruits? For your information, it is due to commercial farmers out there who dye the fruit a more vibrant color to hide their ripeness.

Now is this still a job or a gimmick?

The Oyster Floater

They float oysters on a barge in running water until they are completely free of impurities. So for those oyster fans—this is how your prized food gets its yummy flavor.

It isn’t the cleanest job in the world but if you enjoy the taste of these slimy shellfish, surely you can sneak a lot in during your shift.

The Snake Milker

They are responsible for getting the venom out of snakes to make anti-venoms, a scientific advancement that should be cherished by life on earth. If you ever get bitten by a poisonous snake, be grateful to these venom milkers. Their know-how in dealing with snakes is worth every penny.

The Fortune Cookie Writer

We never care who the heck writes those fortunes in English! Hey, don’t forget that we are the language masters! Finishing a take-out Chinese meal isn’t only full of seasonings and spices, but also those delightfully witty pieces of advice wrapped in a cutie pastry.

The Neck Skewer

Time for wrestlemania with the milky king. Basically this job involves skewing the neck of beef halves with a steel rod after the head of the cow has been removed.

Ready for a 500 pound raw beef kebab? Then get ready to stretch those limbs.

The Waste Station & Treatment Worker

For all times sake, someone has to deal with other people’s crap. Call this job what you want—dirtiest, grittiest, the hardest to take. But hey, it pays to be one.

Let’s take a minute to think about the things that go down our toilets and have a moment of silence for these brave men and women.

The Odd Job Journalist

Once in a while, for informative purposes, this writer actually gets paid money to write articles about other weird and odd jobs that exist.

Yup that’s my part and loving it!

Tried and tested. Battle-driven. Loving craftsmanship.

They continue to find ways to earn and provide for their needs up to the end of each day—a true testament of the resiliency that these flexible hard-working men exhibit.

Urban Legends

Words By: Nicole Raymundo

Filipinos are suckers for urban legends, no matter how crazy they sound. How many times have you heard of mysterious tales passed on from friends of friends? For sure, when you heard them, you really thought they were true and you felt thankful that you were warned. But there are some unexplained stories that seem to be scary yet outrageous or silly that for some reason, you can’t stop laughing about them. Here is a list of some of the popular urban legends from all over the Philippines:

The Mall Serpent:

People were advised to avoid going to Robinson’s Galleria Mall because there was a fitting room in the department store that was housing a large serpent. This monster was believed to be the evil twin sister of Robina, the daughter of business tycoon John Gokongwei. According to the legend, this serpent attacks and devours innocent shoppers, especially the pretty and young ladies. Certain dressing rooms were said to be equipped with a trap door leading its fallen victims to its lair. There was also a juicy twist in the story, saying that Alice Dixon was one of the victims of the so-called mall serpent. This story circulated during the time when competition between malls was getting stiffer.

Trigger Happy AIDS Victim:

Another mall urban legend, this time in SM. The public was alerted of a man who roams around SM malls carrying a syringe to inject shoppers with AIDS infected blood. The perpetuator was said to be a disgruntled ex-employee of SM who was fired by Henry Sy when it was discovered that he was HIV positive. As a sign of revenge, the man vowed to spread AIDS to SM shoppers.

Cat Siopao

The best siopaos in town were said to come from Ongpin, Manila. There were some who questioned the ingredients used by Chinese chefs in preparing this Filipino favorite. Allegations included the use of a dead cat as stuffing in siopao. Some also said that the bun itself came from the skin of cats, and sometimes dogs.

Bloody San Juanico Bridge

Do you remember hearing that children’s blood was used to strengthen bridges and buildings? That probably originated from the story of the construction of the San Juanico Bridge during the Marcos regime. According to the legend, the former First Lady Imelda Marcos consulted a fortune teller who told her that the San Juanico bridge won’t be finished unless it was drenched by the fresh blood of children. Worried that her project will fail, she allegedly ordered the kidnappings of children and had their bodies slashed to let the blood spill on the unfinished bridge. When a mermaid saw this, along with the floating bodies of the slain children, she cursed Imelda to have scales on her legs and to smell fishy. Some said this was the reason why she wore long skirts and bathed as often as possible.

Jose Rizal as Adolf Hitler’s Father

You know how prominent personalities such as Rizal and Hitler can get controversial even if they’re already dead. There were speculations made that Rizal was the true father of the Nazi leader. The Philippine national hero was quite known in history books to be a woman magnet. Thus, during one of his trips in Europe, he stopped over at Germany and there he met a beautiful German lady with whom he had a brief love affair. This woman allegedly bore the son of Rizal, and that child grew up to be Adolf Hitler.

Bongbong dead or alive

When Bongbong Marcos became a public figure after the late dictator’s family hiatus from the limelight, story spread that the Bongbong we see on TV is not himself. There were different versions of the story. Some said that the younger Marcos died when he was a teenager in London, while others said that he died in a car accident in Manila or after being kidnapped by armed men in Mindanao. After Bongbong’s supposed death, the former first lady Imelda Marcos, was said to have tapped a Marcos cousin who was a look a like of Bongbong, to undergo plastic surgery and replace her son.

Boy Asido

Jeepney commuters were warned of Boy Asido. This man was said to just randomly come up to you and splash acid on your face. Some said this Boy Asido just did that cruel act once to his lover with whom he had a major fight, while another version of the story revealed that Boy Asido was a deranged man who just went around to destruct people’s faces randomly.

Blades in Coke Cans

A dissatisfied and frustrated Coke employee was rumored to be putting Gilette blades inside Coke cans. Perhaps this was part of the marketing ploy against Coke who was leading the tight soda wars years ago.

Jolly Worms and KFC’s Fake Chicken

Food chain urban legends are also popular because Filipinos love to eat. There was a time when Jollibee was put into bad light when stories circulated about the food chain using earthworms as meat extenders in their hamburgers. This was allegedly because of the shortage of beef. Jollibee, of course, denied this rumor and reiterated that they adhere to quality standards of their food and their health and sanitation policies. Another fast food story that was passed on was that KFC was not using real chickens in their menu, and they were actually using genetically manipulated organisms. These fake chickens were said to have been preserved by inserting tubes into their bodies to infuse blood and nutrients into their structure. KFC was accused of doing this as part of its cost-cutting measures, but they also denied the allegations.

Celebrity Homos

During the peak of the popularity of Spice Girls and Nick Carter, suspicions on the true sexual orientations of these personalities were raised. There were stories saying that all of the members of the Spice Girls were gay except for one. Nick Carter on the other hand, due to his fine facial features, was rumored to really be a female because he never exposed his chest in his videos. He was observed to be always too covered in his musical productions

Times of My Life (Chapter 3)

Story by Cloud Castro

Sleeping is the natural recurring state often seen as the time where one has reduced or no consciousness. It is also during sleeping that one dreams. Dreaming on the other hand is the state of experiencing sensory images and even sounds while in the state of minimized consciousness. Many believe one is simulating death in sleeping and dreaming. This ‘many’ does not include Sandra “Sandy” Del Castillo. In her mind, she is only truly alive in her dreams. Just as she saw what she believes the man of her dreams.

8:08AM. The room was slowly being filled. One stranger after the other occupied the seats facing a single seat. Sandy and Mindy found themselves at the back end of the room.

“I hate back seats. Dapat ‘di ka na nag-perpetual last stick mo,” Sandy growled at Mindy.

“Sandy, okay lang naman mag-perpetual last stick ako. Ikaw lang ‘tong nag-perpetual five more minutes of sleep,” Mindy bit back at Sandy full of sarcasm.

The view from their seat was very much obstructed by hair, caps and then some more hair. This made Sandy pout and stomp her foot some more. The only thing that she can see from her view was a caption on the blackboard that read, ‘The Power of Dreams.’ Read more

The Lighter Side of Philippine News

There’s always a light side to everything, and indeed, here are our top picks for the funniest and most interesting news we encountered so far. From the Corona Impeachment trial, down to a very unusual bill, here’s a quick run-down of the lighter side of Philippine news.

The Corona Impeachment Trial

On January 16, 2012, Renato C. Corona Jr., the Philippines’ 23rd Chief Justice went on trial before the Senate. The charges: culpable violation of the Constitution, betrayal of public trust and graft and corruption.

Like a telenovela featuring a star-studded ensemble cast, the public has been regularly glued to their television screens and computer monitors watching the impeachment drama unfold. But Chief Justice Renato Corona Jr.’s trial wasn’t all about drama, it had its share of funny moments as well. What can you say? Politics is indeed more fun in the Philippines. Here are some of the comic circumstances that transpired in case you missed it:

• When Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile, presiding officer of the impeachment court, said that the impeachment trial procedure is similar to a criminal case, Prosecution lead Iloilo Rep. Niel Tupas asked where that came from, Enrile rebutted with: “This is the product of my own mind.”

• Every time Enrile calls for a court recess, he would say: “The trial is suspended for one long minute.” It is indeed a long sixty seconds because only after five minutes or more would the trial resume.

• When Rep. Elpidio Barzaga objected to the manner of Ret. Associate Justice Serafin Cuevas’ (lead defense counsel) line of questioning to the prosecution’s witness, he used what he “learned” at the law school. “My objection, your honor, is that before a question should be propounded, the witness should be first permitted to answer the previous question. That’s very basic, your honor, and I learned that from my remedial law professor, who happens to be no less than the defense counsel!”

Barzaga was Cuevas’ former student on remedial law at the Far Eastern University. Cuevas was however quick to say: Maybe you were absent when I discussed that!

• Senator Franklin Drilon and former senator Francisco Tatad had a confrontation during a trial break.

Tatad: You’re beginning to sound like a prosecutor. Drilon: What’s your problem? Eh ‘di ipa-disqualify mo ako!

Later when asked in separate interviews to comment on the confrontation, the two answered:

Tatad: I said that as a friend. Drilon: I don’t want to talk about it. Maliit na bagay lang iyon. Let’s talk about the impeachment. Kaibigan ko naman ‘yun.

• The House panel on the defense team’s allegation that the prosecution is getting what they want without having to do anything and by relying to the senators to do the job for them:

Rep. Erin Tanada: Inggit lang sila.

Rep. Sonny Angara: Istrikto kasi si Presiding Officer Enrile noong yung abogado namin ang nagtatanong. Nung ang mga nagtanong eh yung mga senador, hindi na siya istrikto.

Tupas: At least nakuha na namin yung matagal na naming hinihingi. (Pertaining to Corona’s Statements of Assets, Liabilities and Net Worth)

• Prosecution may have more media exposure but the defense claim they at least have an eye candy.

Lawyer Jose Roy: We want to talk to you (the media) too. We don’t want to keep Karen to ourselves. Karen is something to be shared. Pagdating sa ligawan sa publiko, si Karen na ang bahala dun. Malakas din ang pambato namin dyan.

Atty. Karen Jimeno, defense panel spokesperson, was tagged as the “stunner” of the impeachment trial.

• Senator Miriam Defensor Santiago and private prosecutor Vitaliano Aguirre found themselves in a heated situation when Aguirre was caught covering his ears while Santiago was berating the prosecution.

For that “contemptuous” behavior, Aguirre earned the ire of not just Santiago but the entire Senate impeachment court, which cited him in contempt on Day 26 of the impeachment trial, ironically a day after the prosecution had rested its case.

“I charge this private prosecutor with contempt of this impeachment court! I have evidence right here taken by Senator Alan Peter Cayetano, and to say that nasaktan ang tenga ko (my ears hurt) should have been (a cause) for you to walk out of this impeachment court. But you cannot make those contemptuous gestures in front of a judge, and get away with it,” Santiago declared.

After the hearing, Santiago, whose blood pressure shot up to 190/90, said it was Aguirre’s problem how to deal with the citation. Citing her colleagues, she said Aguirre had been calling attention to himself during the hearing.

“I’m too old to take this thing personally. I think he has just a mental disorder. A lawyer will never, never aggravate the judge,” she said. “Maybe he just wanted the prosecution to lose, or to publicize himself.”

She said she was “happy” that the senator-judges were unanimous in citing Aguirre for contempt.

• But we all may have to stop laughing. Enrile already ruled, “No laughing in this court! (Pounds gavel.)”

*Credits to “Comic moments as impeachment drama unfolds” by Shielo Mendoza. http://ph.news.yahoo.com/comic-moments-as-impeachment- drama-unfolds.html

Christopher Lao: “I wasn’t informed.”

If you’re into social networking, chances are that you’ve probably caught wind of Christopher Lao already. Meet the UP College of Law student who went viral thanks to his interview on 24 Oras (a news show) by GMA-7 reporter Jun Veneracion that was uploaded on YouTube (http://youtu.be/TFXaG3Ipp6g). In the video, he was caught on camera driving his car and crossing a flooded street. Unsure of how deep the water was, he gambled and his car floated in the water. He ended up getting pushed out of the flood with the help of by- standers. Floodwater came rushing out as he opened his door.

And as he emerged from his vehicle-turned-amphibian, he was then interviewed on-the-spot by the GMA News crew. He then proceeded to blame the Metro Manila Development Authority (MMDA) for not blocking the road and according to him, he should have been informed that the flood was deep. His video was posted and spread like a common cold inside an elevator on Facebook, he ranked #8 on trending topics in the Philippines on Twitter and his Facebook fan page has already gotten more than 35,000 likes and counting. Despite the cyberbullying he had to endure, Lao didn’t give up and instead turned what he called “an overwhelmingly stressful mishap” into something beneficial. He became a commercial model and was paid to endorse a popular auto loan car insurance. Eventually the brouhaha subsided like the flooded waters on that fateful street.

But the former internet sensation again created a mini-stir lastly, not by floating on flooded waters yet again, but this time by passing the Bar exams on November 2011 and officially became a lawyer.

Lolong: The Longest Crocodile in Captivity

You’ve probably heard of Lolong by now and if you have not, then let us introduce it to you. Lolong is the largest crocodile in captivity in the world, a male Indo-Pacific or Saltwater crocodile that weighs 2,370 pounds (1,075 kilograms) and has a length of 20 feet 3 inches (6.17 meters), making it one of the largest crocodiles ever measured from snout-to-tail.

Lolong was caught in a Bunawan creek in the province of Agusan del Sur in the Philippines on September 3, 2011. It was captured with the joint cooperation of the local government unit, residents and crocodile hunters of Palawan. It took three weeks to hunt it down and about 100 people had to take it out of the water in which it broke twice from the restraining ropes before it was properly secured. It is estimated to be at least 50 years old. In November 2011, Guinness Book of World Records confirmed Lolong as the world’s longest crocodile ever caught and placed in captivity.

Lolong is now kept in an enclosure in the Bunawan Ecopark and Wildlife Reservation Center in Barangay Consuelo located 8 kilometers out of town. People from nearby towns are now trooping to Lolong’s eco-park. The gigantic beast has now become the centerpiece of this ecotourism park for species found in the marshlands.

The Anti-Planking Bill

Remember that global craze that took over the world where people took pictures of themselves in unusual places while lying face down pretending to be a plank of wood? Planking or the Lying Down Game was everywhere and spread like wild fire all in the spirit of fun. People left and right planked, one-upping each other in having their pictures taken in the most imaginative places.

On September of last year, Quezon City Representative Winston Castelo seeks to ban “planking” or the act of lying down like planks saying “life and limb are pretty much at risk” after student protesters disrupted traffic during a transport strike.

“Parents and teachers have reason to be alarmed if these similar protest actions will have as a scheme and scene otherwise warm and living bodies laid down across street highways as though they were offerings to the gods,” Castelo said in the explanatory note of House Bill 5316 or the “Anti-Planking Act of 2011.” Castelo warned that disrupting traffic in this way could be dangerous, and argued that the best solution was to prohibit planking.

But the reactions of social media users were more sarcastic and disparaging than fearful. The Internet was set on fire.

“The Philippines is going through a lot right now and an anti-planking act of 2011 is what we get? C’mon …” tweeted Gerald Galang, echoing a popular sentiment of frustration.

The phrase anti-planking act of 2011, named after Castelo’s proposed legislation, trend among Filipino Twitter users and eventually worldwide, drawing reactions from everyone.

“The anti-planking act of 2011 is even more useless and absurd than the act of planking itself,” tweeted Chuckie C. Chavez.

Adding to the latter tweet, Tim Yap quipped, “I’ll plank to that.”

The Fruit of the Spoof

The Filipinos love for wit bears fruit through spoof t-shirts.

Words By: Michael Luchico

Majority of Filipinos are very conscious on how people see them. That is why a great effort is put forth to always look good or at the very least, to look intriguing and interesting. This is where Filipino’s desire to be chic and the natural affinity to wit comes into play. Back in the 90s, to get the people’s attention, ingenious Filipinos started penning simple crew neck shirts with witty spoofs. With a slight change in known brands, spoof t-shirts started coming off the press and into kiosks in the corridors of SM Megamall, Sta. Lucia and Robinson’s Galleria and many other malls.

In the beginning, people were initially taken by the invasion of these funny shirts. Many clamored for these then-unique apparel. It was cool to wear shirts with the Tag-Heur logo that read Tag-Hirap. Car aficionados also sported the shirt with the twisted iconic FORD logo in the middle, the word ‘Can’t’ upfront and the word ‘lately’ at the end. All for the comedic value of reading ‘Can’t Af-FORD lately.’ Computer geeks had a shirt for their geekdom too. It is a shirt with the patented Intel Inside logo, of course with a twist. Instead of reading Intel, it read Inutel Inside. The PUMA shirt spoof never fails to bring a smile to one’s face. It’s the one where the ‘M’ in the PUMA logo is replaced with the letter ‘S’ so it will read pusa. The changing of words or letters, the switching from English to Tagalog and vice-versa never ended. Until now, shirts like ‘Adidulas’ and ‘Pinoy Big Bother’ are still aplenty in Greenhills stalls, midnight tiangges, and weekend bazaars. Such was the fare of spoof shirts in the late 90s up to the early 2000s and to some extent up to the late 2000s. But as the times changed, so did the styling of spoof shirts.

In the late 2000s, the geek scene took center stage. All of a sudden Superhero movies mattered and comic book characters were the toast of the town. Big-named stars wanted to play roles likes of Hal Jordan, also known as Green Lantern. Comic book writers like Joss Whedon is now directing this summer’s epic, the Avengers movie, and for sure, the t-shirts are soon to follow.

Famous to Manila Comic Con goers, Electromagnetic Tentacle sells t-shirts that pokes fun at famous super heroes. Here are some examples of the shirts: Green Lantern holding a parol/lantern as if to charge his ring, IronMan’s armor is seen in the pile on top of the kariton, and Spiderman and Venom locked in an intense battle just like spiders on a stick.

Today’s spoof shirts has transcended to a more visual approach. A notch higher in terms of humor. The geek scene is well on it way to cementing its period of prominence much longer. That is why big super hero movies like the Avengers and Batman: the Dark Knight Rises will pave the way for more spoof shirts to come along.

Whether it is a play of dexterity of words or visual wit, spoof shirts has come and is here to stay as a staple for many Filipinos to express themselves. And though many may find it a bit tacky to wear a joke, many still find it amusing to make people smile with a little something on their shirt. So hit Greenhills and your local stores and tiangges to get your spoof shirt.

Pritong Chicken Adobo

Words By: Joan Lopez-Flores

Pinoys love to have fun, and the same attitude can be said about how we treat food. Along with the innate Pinoy joviality is also a natural palate for excellent taste, and the cooking chops to go with! This unique Pinoy trait has in turn resulted in some of the most unusual but definitely tasty food creations.

The modern age of reinvention has ushered in more ingenious strange Pinoy foods beyond the balut, kwek-kwek, sweet spaghetti with hotdogs, hotdog-in-everything snacks, rainbow bread and more. I’ve gathered a handful of some very delectable creations, made only in the Philippines—check it out and to see what you may have been missing and give them a try once you’re back home!

At Mercato Centrale a friend of mine recently got a taste of the much-talked about The Offbeat Krispy Kreme Burger: I’m already salivating imagining this: Two glazed Krispy Kreme doughnuts sandwiching a thick all-beef patty, bacon, a fried egg, and melted cheese. I guess you’ve got to try it yourself to believe it! Created by the owners of Offbeat: The Wieneke Kitchen (named after the last name of the owners) located at The Collective, Malugay Street, Makati, The Offbeat Burger is the house specialty and constant best-seller.

Ensaymada or the Pinoy brioche is another native deli that’s getting a fun makeover, with such creations as grilled ensaymada; yet another burger twist but using a chorizo patty, the Ensaymada Chori Burger; and ensaymada variations laced with slices of ham, bacon, or even dollops of chocolate, ube and yema. Of course all of them are topped with that generous helping of creamy margarine, sugar and grated cheese. Yum!

Another Pinoy delicacy I’ve found rather odd but quite a work of genius is the Isol, or skewered grilled chicken bottoms. You’ll usually find this at diners serving Chicken Inasal along with other grilled specialties with that signature Bacolod Inasal taste. While some may be grossed out with the idea of eating all pwet ng manok in a stick, a lot of Pinoys actually find it a treat! It’s not exactly my favorite, but it’s my mom’s and a lot of my friends’ too, and I find the Isol an awesome way to please chicken bottom lovers.

Ever heard of Sisig Pizza? A number of restaurants have caught up on this pizza trend—usually thin pizza dough topped with a thin layer of tomato sauce and then again topped with crispy sisig—that most probably started in a home of some playful Pinoy foodie. Gourmet places like Cerchio, and even fastfood pizza place Greenwich serve their own versions. But a good sisig pizza of course wouldn’t be possible without some really good sisig. So my tip: find a good sisig place and ask them if they serve Sisig Pizza—chances are they have it on the ready!

To end this mouth-watering food discussion is a recipe featuring the mother of all Pinoy signature dishes: The Adobo. Someone thought of making the chicken adobo fried, crispy and golden, and voila, we have Pritong Chicken Adobo. You’ll find this served at a number of restaurants back in ‘Pinas, but to savor the taste in the comforts of your home, try this recipe. Excellent with the dip!

Ingredients: Marinade:
• 3 pounds chicken thighs
• 1 cup rice vinegar • 1⁄2 cup soy sauce
• 1 head garlic, minced
• 1 teaspoon ground pepper
• 2 bay leaves

Frying:
• 1⁄2 cup flour
• 1⁄2 cup cornstarch
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1 teaspoon pepper
• 2 eggs, lightly beaten
• 1⁄2 cup vegetable oil

Dip:
• 1 cup mayonnaise
• 1⁄2 cup adobo sauce
• 3 tablespoons fresh parsley
• 2 cloves garlic, crushed

Directions:
1. Marinate the chicken with the adobo ingredients and let it sit for at least
30 minutes.
2. Cook the chicken with the marinade. Bring to a boil on medium high heat and
then lower then heat to medium. Cover and simmer for 35-40 minutes or until the chicken is fully cooked. Prick with a paring knife to check that no blood oozes out of the meat.
3. Drain the meat and save the sauce for the dip later. Make an assembly line: beat the eggs in a bowl and mix the cornstarch, flour, salt and pepper in a separate plate. Dip each meat in the egg and then coat all sides with the flour mix.
4. In a deep medium sauce pan, put the oil on medium high heat. Make sure the oil is really hot before dropping off the coated chicken. Adjust the heat to medium if it smokes a lot. Put the cooked fried chicken on a kitchen paper towel to drain the excess oil.
5. Make the dip: Mix the adobo sauce, mayonnaise, garlic and fresh parsley thoroughly. Season with salt and pepper. Serve this with your fabulously fried chicken adobo.

A Retrospect on the Filipino Psyche and Community

Words By: Francis Lubag

Before Enchanted Kingdom and Star City dominated the Filipinos’ mainstream idea of amusement parks, there was perya. Perya, or the Filipino town’s fair, first came to the Philippine shores during the Spanish colonial times. And in a time with no television, Internet or even radio, perya became an effective way to entertain the Filipino people and perhaps divert their attention from the social crises back then. Its socio-historical relevance is even noted when National Hero Jose Rizal featured a Spanish era town’s fair in El Filibusterismo. Indeed, with its own selection of attractions, it seemed like everybody was looking forward to visiting a perya.

Of course, perya was much more elegant back then. Most, if not all, of them are now situated in empty grassy spaces of a particular town whose fiesta is coming near. Yes, I am not going to argue: today’s peryas are mostly crowded, dirty, maybe insect-infested and even occasionally smelly. But it is still fun. And I am going to be bold to claim that with this transgression, it has become much more Filipino.

Thrilla in the Perya

One can easily question the quality and security from the rides in a perya. But for the love of fun and sheer joy, nobody usually does.

I have had rich memories in perya’s rides. I remember how I used to cry as a kid because I didn’t want to leave the Merry-Go-Round after one ticket’s worth of turns. My mother wound up buying another ticket for me. I remember how my classmates and I would try to scare each other as we rode the Horror Train. That is even if we knew the “monsters” were just kids in masks. I remember some of my guy friends trying to pursue their romantic interests by sitting beside them in the Ferris Wheel. Luckily nobody was bold – or desperate – enough to pull a stunt the way Ryan Gosling did in The Notebook. But the ride itself seemed to do the trick for some. I remember how my college friends and I felt the adrenaline rushing through our veins as we rode the Caterpillar. It wasn’t really that scary but the screaming apparently added to the excitement and fun.

Indeed, there is no question about it. The rides in the peryas are a far cry from those in Enchanted Kingdom and Star City, in terms of grandeur and engineering. But I have gone to both and personally, I don’t recall much difference in terms of the experience

Joy of Gam(bl)ing

Almost all the things I wanted to do when I was a kid, I got to do in a perya: shoot guns, throw darts and gamble. I remember shooting toy soldiers with pellet guns with my friends. We never stopped playing even if we knew it was a scam (even if we managed to shoot down every bullet from the magazine, we got only a candy or a chip that is usually worth a peso or two). I remember how my cousins and I would play coin tosses and color games with the money we saved from allowance. We didn’t usually win, but it didn’t matter.

In hindsight, these games were not really designed for the prizes — at least to me personally. It was for the fun of having been able to participate in a collective act of fun and entertainment. Even the announcer in the perya’s bingo session never seemed to run out of punch lines and jokes to keep the players laughing.

Performing Arts 101

No, there were no musicals or plays that would even warrant a barangay-level Tony Awards. But the performers in perya are definitely entertaining — and respectable — in their own right. From the simple jugglers and magicians to performers whose stage names you will only encounter in urban legends or in Shake Rattle and Roll movies, perya definitely prides itself with a rather unique roster of various commendable acts.

I remember how my father and I would pay a ticket to watch performers – some of them capitalizing on their generally perceived disabilities to perform and entertain. Some may criticize this as ridiculing other people’s shortcomings. But I stand otherwise because they are earning in a legal and professional manner. I remember seeing a “real mermaid” and “genuine dwarves”. I heard there were other performers that specialize on acts that can be considered as either astounding or traumatic — depending on one’s sensibilities. Maybe I should thank my father for not taking me to the shows of those who swallow swords (okay, I could probably have handled this one) and those who eat live chicken (definitely not this one).

But here’s the thing: no matter what their acts involved, they showed me something new. They showed me something that I didn’t see every day. And in those few minutes of their respective performances, they successfully opened my eyes to the many wonderful possibilities of the world. And to me, that is important for a kid to realize.

A Community, A Society

Looking back, I think there are only few people who actually went to a perya and spent time in there all by themselves. Experiencing perya is a social endeavour. It is like watching in the theater or the movie house: a portion of the fun and enjoyment comes from the fact that you are watching it with others – whether you know them or not. Perya is a community on its own.

It is also important to raise that if you strip off the glamour, flamboyance and sophistication of Enchanted Kingdom and Star City, you will get the perya. Besides, the perya is the ancestor of the aforementioned amusement parks. And the better part of it is that the masses can access the perya. No branded stores and posh restaurants can compare to the stale popcorns and the collective euphoria one feels in a perya.

The Filipino Resonance

I must admit that not all experiences and memories were positive. There were numerous cases of missing (or allegedly stolen) wallets and bracelets. I remember seeing in the news once about injuries caused by malfunctioning rides. But really, why settle on the negative ones when there are tons of positive memories that one can flesh out of the perya experience? It’s not as if there’s anything in the world that has no bad side (or a potentially bad one).

I haven’t been to a perya in a very long time. I don’t know if the same elements exist in the peryas today. But if I chanced upon one — in a similar empty, grassy, occasionally smelly and sometimes insect-infested area — I will be more than happy to pay the entrance ticket. I will enjoy the rides, play some games and even watch a performer if there’s one. Not just for the fun and entertainment, but because it makes me feel that I belong. After all, that is what Filipinos are all about: managing to have fun collectively amidst all the problems and crises that we may face.

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